Looking at your inbox before going to bed is such a horrible idea.
There I was all showered up and sleepy. Then I see a message from someone asking me to critique their ad. (Usually I charge but friends and family get freebies.)
Anyhoo here it is 20 min later, I’m all jazzed up from making critiques/suggestions. Figured I’d post some of them here and share them with the world wide web.
Without further ado. Here’s the ad it all it’s redacted glory:
** Private yoga for $20?? ***Happy New Year Alumnae! I’m offering Alumnae, spouses & friends 50%-75% reduced rate Private Yoga, in your home or mine ([CITY DELETED]). We’re talking $20, $40, up to $50/ session. I charge per session, not per student, whether its just you or 4 friends, the rate is the same. Now booking 1/17-1/30.I taught at [SCHOOL DELETED] 2008-2012 when I attended as a [FANCY SHCOLARSHIP]. I was certified in 2008 and started my home practice when I was 14. A home practice is essential, but we think of “private yoga” as exclusive, a luxury. We all deserve a comforting, affirming yoga practice to “come home to,” and I’m here to work with you to make it attainable. Your home practice is your vehicle, you own it; I am the mechanic. Where do you want it to take you? ***
My style is eclectic Hatha, influenced by Ashtanga, Anusara, Kundalini, and modern dance. A session is customized each day to whatever you want to get out of it. (For ex., I could take you into a 30-minute relaxation pose with head & neck massage and aromatherapy.) Additionally, if you practice from a video or subscription service such as YogaGlow, I offer “yoga coaching,” where we follow the video’s pose sequence, and I provide a personalized experience with adjustments modifications so you get the most out of it.I wish you the best in the New Year, and it gives me much joy to support your resolution for health and happiness. [DELETED, SCHOOL MOTTO].
Please use this thread to ask questions or email me: [EMAIL DELETED]
Alright, let’s break this sucker down and see what’s good and what needs some love:
First section:
“** Private yoga for $20?? ***
Happy New Year Alumnae! I’m offering Alumnae, spouses & friends 50%-75% reduced rate Private Yoga, in your home or mine ([CITY DELETED]). We’re talking $20, $40, up to $50/ session. I charge per session, not per student, whether its just you or 4 friends, the rate is the same. Now booking 1/17-1/30.”
Highlighting the 50-75% off reduced rate seems dangerous to me. Why? Because it makes it look cheap. You don’t want to be cheap. You want to be a deal. You want to be affordable. You want to be the best. You generally don’t want to be cheap. (That’s how you get the lowest quality clients.)
But look at that second to last line: “I charge per session, not per student” Hey! Now we’re talking! THAT is much stronger positioning. Highlight this and you’re not longer “the yoga instructor who will take a huge discount because you need clients” (which is what 50% off screams). Instead, you’re the yoga instructor who figured out a payment plan that makes this a win-win for everyone. Who doesn’t have a studio or overhead so THAT’S why you can charge so little.
Second section
“I taught at [SCHOOL DELETED] 2008-2012 when I attended as a [SCHOLARSHIP DELETED]. I was certified in 2008 and started my home practice when I was 14. A home practice is essential, but we think of “private yoga” as exclusive, a luxury. We all deserve a comforting, affirming yoga practice to “come home to,” and I’m here to work with you to make it attainable. Your home practice is your vehicle, you own it; I am the mechanic. Where do you want it to take you? *** ”
Not bad. Establishes rapport, shows she’s not a dummy weirdo, and is probably someone you’d be cool meeting in a one-on-one setting.
Two things jump out at me:
1) The use of the term private yoga as a “luxury”. That’s awesome! Yes, it is a luxury and now you’re making this luxury available at an affordable rate because you charge a flat fee. So you can 5 friends can have a more personal experience paying $10 than if you paid $20 at your local studio.
If I were writing this copy I’d see if I could play up this “affordable luxury” angle a lot more.
2) This line seems like trouble: “Your home practice is your vehicle, you own it; I am the mechanic. Where do you want it to take you?”
Why? First of all, she’s now calling out her target market as people who already have a home practice. Is that really her target market? Is that the person who will respond to this ad? Could be, but I doubt it. More on that later.
The next part is the “I am the mechanic, where do you want it to take you?” line. My answer: “I don’t know, you tell me”. Who’s sitting at home wishing for a private yoga class where they’d be able to tell the teacher a specific outcome of where they want to go?
Instead, I’d paint a picture of where it can go. Don’t make them do the work. Show them what they want and get them excited. “An entire class just you and any close friends or family you bring along. We’ll tailor the class for your specific body type, flexibility level, and desired intesnsity. This will be yoga tailor-made for you to open up your body and have you feeling like a whole new person by the end”. That’s just me riffing, you get the idea.
Section 3:
“My style is eclectic Hatha, influenced by Ashtanga, Anusara, Kundalini, and modern dance. A session is customized each day to whatever you want to get out of it. (For ex., I could take you into a 30-minute relaxation pose with head & neck massage and aromatherapy.) Additionally, if you practice from a video or subscription service such as YogaGlow, I offer “yoga coaching,” where we follow the video’s pose sequence, and I provide a personalized experience with adjustments modifications so you get the most out of it.”
The mention of a massage is pretty darn cool. But offering these in paragraph form hides it. Having this big mix of benefits jumbled in a paragraph hides them and makes it unclear what they’re getting. I’d bullet them out.
“A private luxury yoga experience that can include:
-Massage
– Aromatherapy
– Yoga coaching (If you have an in-home video you love, I’ll help you take that practice deep with adjustments so you look as good as the people in the video)
Final section
“I wish you the best in the New Year, and it gives me much joy to support your resolution for health and happiness. [DELETED, SCHOOL MOTTO].
Please use this thread to ask questions or email me [EMAIL DELETED]”
Beautiful. Delightful. But where’s the urgency? “Ask questions or email me?” Is that what you want them to do?
Hell no. You want them to book their appointment. And you want them to do it right now because if they don’t do it now, they’re going to forget.
Throw in some scarcity and urgency.
“What you learn can change the way you do yoga. Not only will you feel incredible after this session, but it’ll deepen your practice and walk into the studio with a newfound confidence. You may never experience yoga the same way again.
I’m only available for a week and a half. I’m reaching out to other communities but wanted but feel such an affinity with SCHOOL NAME that I wanted to give you all the opportunity to sign up first. Something something I love you all go SCHOOL NAME”
(Can you tell I’m getting tired again and ready for bed?)
Takeaway:
1) I have one question for you, who is this ad for? Who wants a yoga instructor to come to their home and do private instruction?
Earlier in the ad she mentions that bit about “your home yoga practice”. Who has that? My guess:
2) People who have videos they follow weekly (okay, now we’re onto something)
1) People who like yoga but don’t go because they’re busy/don’t have the money/feel embarrassed because they haven’t done much of it. (Hey-oh! now we’re on to something)
2) People who want to do something special for their wife/sister/friend (“Hey look! I got you this private yoga class you and your friends can do on your bday”) Though this person would want to see your face and needs a bit more proof you’re not a weirdo before inviting you to their home.
3) People sit at work all day, feel stiff/out of shape/their back hurts and know they should do some kind of exercise but are stuck in their habits.This is just my guess. If I was writing the ad I’d do some digging and find out who actually buys private lessons. Then I’d highlight whatever benefits they seek and overcome the objections they have in the copy. It’d be specific and targeted.So the key takeaway here: It’s pretty impossible to write copy when you don’t know who the target market is. You’ve got to be very specific about who this is for. When you know your market, you know what you need to say to grab their attention and peak your interest.
If you don’t know your market, you’re just throwing words on a page and hoping some of them stick out enough.
Rant over.
What (if anything) stood out to you in what you just read? Anything you found insightful or disagreed with?
Be nice, be mean, whatevs, I’m just curious.
Share your thoughts in the comments below.